The Official Chilli Growing Competition Rules
Here are the official rules for the chilli growing competition that is going down at Yuppiechef HQ – read about it here.
Rules and regulations:
- Each person is to be given one container and an equal amount of seeds to start with. No other seeds may be brought in to the competition at any stage – even to encourage their cousin seeds during difficult times of the contest.
- You may use any substance, material, known particle of our universe in the effort to win the competition. My advice is in moderation.
- You may not tamper with a fellow competitors chilli growing project physically. Though words, thoughts, prayers and transcendental imagineering or chilli-psychosis is permissible in all forms.
- The starting date is 11am today. The ‘finish line’ is 11am, the 14th of December 2009, GMT+2. This is under the premise that time is a linear concept and cannot be interfered with – should you be able to manipulate it to your advantage you will be given the competition and hence a day off, provided you give us many holidays in return with your powers.
- You may not levitate.
- The points scoring system works as such: 5 for every red chilli, 3 for every green. A chilli is determined as red if more than 66.6% of it is deemed red by the panel (more on that later). A chilli is deemed a ‘chilli’ if it is at least 2cm in length and satisfies the panel’s criterion (yes, more coming) of what constitutes a chilli.
- No puns involving the country ‘Chile’ or the temperature referring ‘chilly’ may be used throughout the duration of this contest. Should you fail in this regard you will be docked 2 points per instance and be in line for the ‘Let’s chuck atcha in his eye’ award. This is a curious award originating from the foothills of the Nepalese mountains. The story has probably changed over the generations but simply put: the other contestants in the competition are permitted to find any form of atcha in the vicinity (<5km) and together rub it in the offender’s eye. Note: Only one eye can be used for this purpose and it should be established in a democratic and logical fashion which one that will be – as a true Nepalese village would do. Should the offender remain calm and voice no complaint throughout the rigorous (but quite effective) torture he/she will be awarded one point in their title race. If anyone in the ‘actcha rubbing’ group should laugh, think or smile during the process though, that point will be taken away.
- Each contestant is to submit (via the panel) a blog-worthy post of their progress, thoughts and cunning strategies for the wider Yuppiechef audience. Failure to amuse or entertain the audience will result in embarrassment. Due to this we the panel thought no points will be deducted – no use chucking salt in the wounds of a wounded woundee. (Note: a woundee is someone who has wounded our Yuppiechef audience with a poorly written blog post, something that has never happened in the history of Yuppiechef and hopefully never will).
- Good luck to all, may it be as entertaining as watching that squirrel water ski on YouTube.
- May the best man win. And may the youngest man win.
- Out of interest, the panel is me. I now you’re thinking ‘hey, a panel surely consists of a group of nice people’ but I say ‘hey’ back – I couldn’t find anyone else who fitted that description. So you’re stuck with me.